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- 10 things not to say to a depressed person (and please don't ever say to me either) - nochnoch
Parental alienation is a factor… but could part of it could be, as children who were abused like this are now in the entitlement generation. They are so self centered. Thanks… I am in the process of letting them go. Like you I would welcome them back in a minute. He feels as he is in a lose-lose situation. No matter what he does his ex makes him out to be the bad guy. Looking back at the years my SD lived with us, I can hear her repeat the ugly things her mom said to her. We now realize that the ex has been trying to alienate this child for years.
Scary stuff for sure. People tell me she is more like me — I hope she can come out of this with some emotional stability intact. My biggest fears are that my children will grow up and either be a borderline in my opinion abuser, or a victim of one, like me. Either would break my heart.
I just found this site yesterday, March 4, I am so tired of trying too. My girl is 30 now, just received her Masters degree. She just recently told me to stop!!! In a text of course. She is so mean. I hung on to whatever I could for a very long time since she turned I thought by now age 30 she would get it! I have no fight left in me. The shame and guilt is a whole other story.
A part of me is gone. I am so done. I think she has a personality disorder! Love this! Same thing the pictures, the notes, the fake smiles. If my 2 boys cannot find peace within themselves they will never find peace. The resentment. I write almost daily in journal I find peace in that no one reads it but me — I would say am at peace now because I have left the problem the father do you know the difference between a father and a dad — well my ex is only a father NO dad at all have a good day.
Well said Dennis… it is stunning how many other parents have almost identical experiences… PAS is a pandemic that needs to be recognized more in our legal system. It is a comfort in some ways to know I am not alone. Dennis, I am in a similar position you were in several years ago. I am a teacher and definafely agree the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction regarding the way children are parented these days. I am the mother and the custodial parent of my son. We co-parented well together, or so I thought, for years.
My son was also being brainwashed from a very early age without my knowledge. He has no interest in spending time with me and rarely answers my text messages. Do you mind sharing what has happened with your children since your post from ? My father abandoned me when I was four. I do hope you were reunited with your children or at least now have a sense of peace knowing you did everything you could to be a loving father to your children.
I cannot believe how many of us moms are suffering this way. My beautiful baby daughter was raised by me for 16 years. After a fight and a year of stressful anger between us, she moved with her father. Yes, the one who could not care less whether she had a pulse or not for 16 years! It was me, all me. She has been there for two months, and I have barely spoken to her. They were tag teaming me. I knew that day — I lost. That day I felt death. I mourned the loss of the idea of my daughter. Being my friend, my buddy my baby my daughter.
I now try to just live my days without thinking about her. Not wondering, not questioning and know that for 16 years I kept my side so clean, I let her dad contact her if he wanted — he just never did. I kept the door open. I am so hurt and feel betrayed to the fullest. Dearest one, I went through a very similar scenario and I am 2 years later with a new grandchild which I can not see because of the brainwashing involved. He abandoned my children as well and came back 12 years later to do the very same thing. Pray every day for resolve and clarity.
Try to remain strong and let her know from time to time that you love her regardless. I know it hurts more then most know and you have to show strength and move forward. They have the same memories we do and in time she will come around. I just cannot believe how many similar experiences to mine there are. My son will barely speak to me.
Now, it is my son using the alienation to his advantage. Dad is a piece of crap. To all of you going through similar experiences, my heart certainly goes out to you. Hi Dennis I could have written this post myself! I loved being their mom. Like others have posted, being a mom and grandma was the only thing I ever longed for in my life! I wanted desperately to have a family and I prayed and prayed and prayer. I suppose it made me cherish every second of raising them.
They were good and loving sons. But after they were born, my marriage was a mess, due to a philandering husband. I stayed in the marriage 5 years longer than I should have stayed. So I put them first, and I stayed another 5 years in absolute torment, just to get my oldest son through high school he took it the hardest. I was an awesome mom to those boys.
I worked 4 jobs, and I put them both through college without help from their father. I wanted them to have a father, so I felt it would be resented if I told them how devastating it was for me that he walked out and why. I thought he and I the ex had made a sort of unspoken peace with it as the years rolled by and I remarried.
I moved on and have been happily remarried for 15 years. They have two grandchildren we have never seen. It is devastating to me. When someone dies, I think people often make them the hero, or a saint, somehow. The boys must feel they are respecting his final wish — doing as he asked — to cut us out of their lives. I tried to see my oldest son the day his father died, and it did not go well.
He broke my heart, but it gave me a great deal of closure too. Somehow my hope was that my ex would do right by me, in the end, when he was facing death…. But alas, he chose the again, not to do right by me, and it appears he made it so much worse by leaving it all unsaid. We are investing time in the lives of those people who enjoy our company and who love us no matter what, but more importantly they allow us to love them. That is such a gift. My dad used to always say, you have a choice each day to wake up and choose to be happy, or to wake up and look for the bad stuff and there is always going to be something bad, if you look.
I can say that even through all of this, I would go through it all again, just to find him! I regret to inform you that nothing will change. After 21 years of rejection, my son continues to retreat me as nothing. He did not. Not even a card showing sympathy. Everything I read 20 years ago implied that by me showing continual love and support my son would come to see the truth. I send a birthday card honoring his birth to leave a door open.
But I have stopped holding my breathe and praying for his return. Seventy year old mother with stage 4 cancer accepting of reality. Thanks for your story. I know the feeling so well. Grown kids live down the road and seldom call, never visit. I get pictures of grandkids off their facebook page. They know their mother is mentally ill and a hate filled person. It took me 20 years to realize nothing i did would fix her hate filled life.
She isolated me and my kids from everyone with hate. My relatives and friends refused to come into my home. I stayed to protect my children from her sometimes violent outbursts until they were 19 and I think this long dysfunctional environment seriously affected the kids. I was and am still told i was their rock in the storm. But they still spend all hollidays and visit their mother and only contact me when life is hard. I dont talk about her or degrade her to them. But im told when i do have the honor of a chat with them, she still talks terrible about me, my deceased mother and brother and my living sister.
A lesson for anyone young if you will here it. If you love someone but get a feeling they have a serious mental issue, get away from them! Its a lost cause especially if they are a hate filled person. Good morning. I am just taking a few minutes to think hard about next week. My son who died at the age of 14 —- the school is again for the 26 year is awarding a student who has leadership skills within the school. This award is given to either a female or male student. This is an 8 hour drive for myself but I have not missing a year.
The down side is his father stalks me each year either by following my vehicle around town, or walking up the front of a sidewalk to get as close to me as possible. I have been to the police regarding this type of behavior last year. The police have not giving me any information other that what I gave them like dates, years time etc. His behaviors need to stop yes change but mainly stop.
I will never return to him. The down side is only one of my 3 adult children talks to me. He needs to know. I am not interested in talking to or even looking at my sons father. I have closed that chapter in my life.. I let go. I made my own plans for Christmas eve and Christmas day. When my kids asked, I said I already had plans but would be off on 26th. I enjoyed my Christmas holiday and did not deal with drama, or attitudes. Sadly, my daughters are dealing with the stress of trying to comply with their dads insane time requirements and other rules.
All I can do is laugh to myself and tell them I am sorry they cannot stay and watch a movie or go out to dinner with me tonight. I enjjoyed other family and friends this weekend. Missed my kids with me, but not all the B. Am remarried to a dam nice guy and we had supper with two of his children and one set of in laws — who drank their face off — I had tea and got out as soon as I could —- its sad because is supposed to be sober and clean and so far his is drinking a lot —- the drugs will come soon and it will be again the police and rehab— loss of this house — and get this the two are trying to have a baby oh yes a stone baby who will be born to drugs I have nothing to say here am the in law so I just get watch.
Very well written Dennis , every word is correct. Impossible for these adult children now to see anything different. They have become the Sociopaths their mother has always been. My children are the same ages as yours and react in the same way. Great story. As a mother of a 37 year old ES, I can relate. But as was posted earlier, …. This is exactly how I feel. I am thankful that for my significant other giving up was not an option.
He has exhausted the courts and his finances, but is rebuilding his life and supporting his children. He will always be their father. It is hardest when he realizes that being even on the fringes of their lives means hurt for them. The mother tortures them emotionally, stirring up drama, not just in private, but publicly.
He keeps his distance, but she does not. We walk away but both feel that completly abandoning them is disgusting. We plan carefully so we can financially support them in an appropriate and responsible way, we keep in touch with cards, notes and small gifts, and are building a family website to record what the rest or their family is about. I hope one day to get to know them. He knows that he will always be their father and that they cannot deny that.
Even if he dies before they realize, he will leave to them a story of his love and support. The court system MA. Not a caring,loving parent. Scrap it from bottom to top. It is a despicable mess. An abusers best weapon! I could not agree with you more regarding the court system. With the help of the court system my ex exhausted all my financial means to fight back and in that the courts may as well have handed my son over on a preverbal silver platter.
My ex tried to discredit me and prove me an unfit parent for years; unsuccessfully I may add but the day my son said those words at 11 years old my ex just stood behind him using him as a human shield having our son do all of his dirty work from that point on. The courts are completely useless!!! My son has not even seen my parents or any other family member or friends of mine since shortly after he stopped seeing me. My ex knew the only way his plan would be successful was to ensure no possible contact at all!!!
I keep thinking this is terrible nightmare that I just need to wake up from. I am just so sick of feeling sad and mad and hurt and depressed and and and need I go on? I think it is a relatively new phenomenon for mothers though at least to the degree it is happening today. I have a sick elderly mom living with me. My son claimed he was just so stressed out and he was failing school.
Still failing school too. I email my son, when he even bothers to read it. But he prefers being with his dad, they have the funds to go out to eat every night, go to movies, sporting events, concerts and other things nightly, even if it interferes with his sleep for school. I just hope some day my son realizes less about material things and that he has a mom who does love him and tries her best to have a good relationship with him. It is sad when one parent feels their child is their property. I am going through parental alienation with my ex. We have 3 small children under the ages of 9 and their dad has alienated them from me.
He got primary custody because he had the better attorney prior to my ex and I seperating I was a stay at home mom so I had no financial help and the court systems are ridiculous. He has got my children to lie to cyfd and police claiming child abuse. He has completely brainwashed my kids and now they want nothing to do with me and beg to stay with their dad when its supposed to be my time. My ex is a narcissist and will do whatever it takes to make my life miserable and he knows that using my kids is the only way he can get to me.
I went through the process GAL, home inspection, private interviews with the kids and they found in my favor, so his buddies just refused to enforce. For my girls, the torture has stopped. For example, he used to call them at my home and tell them he was going to die alone in his house and nobody would even know because they lived with me. My girls are turning 18 and will find their way back to me when and if they are ready. My focus for the next years will be getting that badge of respect off of corrupt chests. Diane- I am going through this exact thing right now.
I read your words and they are exactly what I am feeling about the current situation with my son. Thank you for making me not feel so alone. Do things can get better or easier? I am going through this exact thing now as well. It has been going on for 2 months. It is just awful. One bad judge determined the sad tragedy of a life my daughters now live.
Trish I wish I could do that. I did try but the area we live is too small. I feel a desperate need to move away. Sam you will certainly hear no judgement from me. Perhaps envy since you say you were able to let go. This experience is so psychologically damaging. I feel like we have all suffered so much in so many ways. Barbara I feel like your post was written by me. The only difference is I do not look at my boys on facebook. I did it once and the pain was too great.
The loss of my children, my reputation, financial destruction. I lack that basic feeling we probably all took for granted that life is safe and everything will work out. It no longer matters that what my children have said is untrue. I blame myself that I did something in raising them that they would turn and hurt another this way. The guilt for failing to fix this and the ongoing suffering has created such a hole. I think I should have the right to feel peace again. I just cannot seem to make that happen. I also relive the devastating announcement from my son regarding wanting to not only live with his father but also no longer have me in his life.
If you feel comfortable, do you mind sharing the current circumstances regarding your son? A little back story.. We had 2 daughters. I found out he was cheating. H e said he would not stop seeing her and packed our clothes. He put me and the girls in the road. A year to by before he wanted to see. He saw them a total of 24 hours during the next years time. During that time, he had a child with this girl. Over the next 5 years, he saw them like 2 or 3 times a year. Ok, so my oldest daughter was 16 when the alienation hit me.
She had spent 2 weeks with him. I thought ok, he is trying. Well, he gave her a secret cell phone. Had her lying to me. I found the phone. She had hid it in the vent in the bathroom. I said something about it, she flipped out and said I am moving in with dad and Danielle yep he married his mistress and they now have 2 kids He came and got her. The courts would do nothing tomake her come back. I had sole custody for 6 years. He refused to bring her back. We went to court and instead of getting him for contempt they gave him custody. Only calls when she wants something.
I hear things from my youngest daughter about how they always talk bad about me. They have completely turned my oldest against me and they are trying to do the same to my youngest. Oh, you know when he came back in their lives? When I remarried and he said no other man was going to play daddy to his kids. He told them my husband was nothing to them. I never went to court it was all handle by the lawyers who certainly come out with a lot of money.
I like this he immediately married the first woman he dated wow fast and she was not pregnant I like it. In a strange his fast marriage to the first woman is a victory for me think about it is funny, Remember the first person you ever date think about a marriage that way. Mary, when does an adult child held accountable on their own merits? Your husbands unconditional love is noble, however, disrespect and ill treatment of a parent is not acceptable.
The Grieving process is a natural, and essential one to cope with catastrophic events that cannot be changed. This includes the initial Denial when the facts confronting the person, are just too enormous to all be taken in. The final stage, Acceptance for all that has happened and that cannot be changed, is also the signal for a turning point in Life, a looking forward instead of backwards. I have been attempting to re-create my relationship with the child who accuses me of being abusive when she was young, but forgiving me although not to my face, as she denies me contact with my two grandchildren see, still a struggle as I relapse back into the staged of the Grief cycle , I write to her, blog, research ways to give gifts that cannot be returned to charities that have some meaning and a good record of accomplishment.
I am now at the point where it is hard to continue to read of struggle and defeat, all those places I was and want to leave behind, in group postings, in my Network of Fcebook contacts, and on. I have only one face, I am not Janis, and I want my face to be oriented to the sun, not the dark of the past. Like all of you above, I have gone through all of the emotions.
Grief is the hardest. I had no choice. All I can do is keep myself busy and try to show and love to other children and my grandchildren. I totally agree with your analogy comparing the grief of a parent losing a child to death verses alienation. With our alienation comes rejection, the most extreme kind!!! Rejection in a typical relationship breakup is hard enough but the rejection from a child is just not fathomable. You can remarry or date again but your son or daughter will always be your son or daughter and only we can be their biological mom or dad…..
Great article and great discussion. Thank you, Monika, for your continued insights and willingness to help others. In the U. One of the keys to letting go is to focus on all the things for which we are thankful. These people deserve to have me in their lives at my best — happy, healthy and with an optimistic view of the future. While my alienated son is never far from my thoughts, the ability to to not let parental alienation ruin my life was a key component in my ability to let go, move and and even help others through their alienation nightmares.
The speech is called Surviving parental alienation. Please check it out if you get a chance. Monika, thank you for this article. Jennifer, thank you. Letting go is necessary. As Mike Jeffries mentions, letting go is needed for the rejected parent to remain happy and healthy. Monika, thank your for posting this article. Although it is my stepdaughter who has abandoned her dad after living her first 16 years with him, I too am grieved as I helped raise her for 12 of those years. This woman has done nothing but try to destroy my husband in every manner possible.
I am beyond the self blame but angered over how my husband has been treated. I cringe when she calls him, asking for money for something. After each phone call he becomes depressed and we go thru the last 4 of the stages all over again. Is there anything I can do to help him off this merry-go-round? Thank you for your time. Hi Renee, thank you for your comment! Your situation is frequently overlooked— the perspective of a stepparent.
Often it is portrayed that stepparents are the one that start a campaign of hatred. This is unfortunate, as there are many wonderful stepparents that pick up the slack. They pick up the slack when the biological parent refuses to follow court orders, pay school lunches, does not adhere to drop off times, etc. They will not pay child support but they will purchase the latest video game. Without a doubt, they do not focus on the child, but spend time figuring out how to get even. It is exactly what you describe:…..
Richard Warshak discussed this in his article, titled Remarriage as a Trigger of Parental Alienation. If courts have not helped in your case, coping and a support group may be an option. Self care is vital. The parental alienation awareness organization and Dr. Richard Warshak offers a lot of resources. Good luck to you! Thank you for your reply.
Unfortunately for me, bio-mom started campaigning against me from the get go. She is, after all, almost Sure it hurts, but what hurts most is the way my stepdaughter treats her dad. There is, however, and upside to this situation. Dear Monika, I love your site. Sophie stood in a long staggered line of people. Some stretched back and forth to see what was at the head of the line, but Sophie held the small hand of her son and cradled her daughter on her hip.
She kept her head down, while shielding her children with prayers. A moment later, a patrolling Nazi Commandant caught her defensive darting eyes. However, the deck was stacked, and every pebble of truth and humanity she found was yanked from her hands. She ruminated about how her children were building their own prisons and she was tormented by the ease in which the abuser destroyed young, innocent lives unabated.
For the rest of her life, Sophie sought peace from the persistent whirling torture of guilt, exhaustion, despair, desperation, and the fear of acceptance. Within those life-long prisons, the young innocent ones will grow up never having the opportunity to live the lives they were born to live. Accept what? Accept that your child will no longer be a part of your life? Accept that your child will no longer have the opportunities to live and love fully, like you have dreamed and worked for?
Accept that your child will someday be the reason that someone else must endure the insufferable existence of an alienated parent. Every second of every day, their absence is all I can feel. He spent years setting this up and I was so stupid. He refused to return them on the next visit. While my ex is responsible for his own actions, so is law enforcement. Judges and police officers who violate federal and state laws to interfere with child custody face no repercussions.
That makes the whole system guilty. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your powerful message! About giving up; it has been 25 years. My adult children have continually berated and blamed me over the duration. I have had rare visits from them that dwindled to no visits 15 years ago from one of them. The other has popped up at intervals of a year or two at a time, only to start exhibiting hostility that she projects on to me, and them storm out.
This year also, in our home, she physically assaulted her stepsister who then called the police. Then she texted me at some point with four texts, spilling out abusive language and telling me that if I ever contacted her again, she would file harrassment charges.
Interestingly enough, her sister made the same assertion this year. I have tried to contact both of my children by phone once or twice a year. I suppose that is it then, time to let go. What else can I do; they are adults and they have both told me that they consider my yearly call to be harrassment. Yes, I know their minds are confused and yes, the father in this case was the architect of alienation.
I am not naive; there are other factors, among them my own frailty. I dare say that the aggressor described in the Parental Alienation Disorder is an apt description of my ex-husband. I almost want to disappear for the fear that their irrational hatred will culminate into a physical attack against me or my present family members. Dear Phyllis, no one can decide for another when to let go. And, the wait may continue on for years to come, as there remains a lot of debate around parental alienation syndrome.
This is unfortunate. Alienating parents have found the right means. If adults join cults, it seems absurd to dismiss the possibility that children cannot be coerced into rejecting a once loved parent. As you noted, your ex-spouse was the architect of the alienation. Most notably, you have dealt with this for 25 years. If disrespect is taught at a young age, it is likely to carry into adulthood. If you can, get a copy of Dr. He discusses the topic of letting go. It is a tough process indeed. Best of luck to you.
This resonates with me and my family. Unfortunately, after such a long time having a child withheld from our home, our love, our attention, and then having that same child hate us, after a while acceptance is the only road to take to heal ourselves after all else fails, miserably. Thank you for this article! The biggest problem of all; most courts do not recognize the problem. We finally got our day in court only to have our attorney shaft us! The Judge found her not guilty on all of the Contempt Charges even though we did prove she was in contempt of court.
What is sad is no one is really looking out for the Children who are the most important ones. They know we love them and are fighting for them. As a matter of fact, the oldest one who is 8, knows exactly what his mom is doing and has made the statement several times that he is angry with her and when he is old enough to tell the Judge, he is going to tell him he wants to live with his dad. A Christian point of view on this subject: There was a reason God had honor thy father AND mother in the ten commandments.
There was no conditions put on that commandment either. Children, obey your parents in the Lord,[a] for this is the right thing to do. I believe an alienating parent is removing the promise or blessing from God on these children by teaching them to hate the other parent. A loving parent would never do these things. A loving parent would never teach to love and respect the other parent only with conditions met. Janet: Thank you for your comment. I am hopeful that the Christian community will recognize the turmoil that alienation thrusts upon rejected parents. Although alienated children clearly appear like they are harboring hatred, the appearance is misleading.
It is easy to see why many are critical of rejected parents as they observe the rejection. Or, without education about parental alienation, one can understand why rejected parents believe and internalize that their child ren hate them. This is yet another reason why education about parental alienation is needed. It is difficult for rejected parents when they are dealing with children who display extreme rebellion, destroy property, perpetually trash family dinners, refuse visitation in the absence of true abuse and neglect and many other manifestations of undesirable behavior that result from parental alienation.
And what happens when the alienators are also your own parents, sisters and ex-husband?
I am a Catholic and believe in the 10 commandments, but also believe that I cannot enable evil. And an evil in the past which is denied and unrepented does not make its present day impact any less evil. I severed ties with my family after trying to explain what they had done to finally an ultimatum to which more alienating behavior ensued.
Not everything is so cut and dry. My action was the correct and noble one. I miss my 4 children 2 boys, 2 girls…my oldest is full of hatred.. I think these people are nothing of God, even when they claim to go to church, because they certainy never went when I was the head of the house hold , the ex was an athiest. Dying is a pretty good indication that we have experienced something we cannot bear.
God has not given us these terrible circumstances; it is the result of the sin of the alienating parent. But no, we have not been given these circumstances because we are strong or because we need some sort of twisted lesson. We can look to god for ways to help us respond and care for ourselves. Hugs to you. This is correct. I pray for both of my children so that they will one day hear the voice of Jesus and find healing from their anger since it is a true removal of a blessing. Just because parents are alienated temporarily does not mean they are never going to see their children again….
I disagree that alienated parents or other family members need to grieve…. Presumption of right of contact for both parents is fair and justice…. Forget grieving…. This comment angers me. Regardless of raising awareness or campaigning for change. Thank you for your comment, Denise. Yes; parents do grieve, for many years. Alienation for some is akin to the death of a child. Talk here again on this forum in 10 years when you realize this process turned your child into a psychopath.
Do you know what the recovery rate is from psychopathology? Almost 0. Wow, Luci, you are way off the mark. Have you a child who eventually turns to an adult — cut you off from your life or your grandchildren? I know parents of years gone by not seeing their children. Parental alienation when young almost every times turns into missed events, opportunities, loving bonds to tie a young adult to parents.
It usually turns into adult children still cutting off the parent. My sister is cut off from her only child — my friend cut off from her only child. And these are two exemplary not perfect parents. It is NOT temporary for many and leads to long term chronic relationship problems. And the GRIEF of not being with ones child — teen or young adult during Christmas, birthdays, special events, like them having their first child?
And yes, we all have tried every strategy and book under the sun. Including making sure to apologize, and listen to the concerns of the estranged child or teen or adult child of ours. I am a mom who created a beautiful home environment, good home cooked meals, 3 meals a day, garden, canned, brought the girls to their lessons. Made costumes, sat up holding their heads when they were sick……. Made sure they had many opportunities to spend time with family on both sides and learn to trust and love others.
Now, only to have one daughter reject me due to her dad alienating me when I was ill. Then we separated and it only got worse. I redeemed myself with my younger daughter, but that took work to help her understand that being overindulged by her Dad was not the answer to a self sufficient independent rewarding adult life. I am fortunate I have two children. They are distinct and I try very, very hard to make sure the 25 year old knows she is not responsible for my happiness or has to be a go between.
She was only 13 when I got sick. Now we have grandchildren and she allows her Dad whom I still live with to do whatever he wants with the children and has severe restrictions on me. I have family who lived with us and a sea of my husbands family who visited us for 2 week stays — and 6 of them at different times for over 20 years we live in resort seaside area — they are witnesses to my good mothering of both our girls. And they are incredulous that this is happening. Of course she smoozies up to Dad, and does not like mom who will say enough and take care of your own responsibilities.
Nothing wrong with age appropriate helping our adult children out when they first get out in the big world, but it is detrimental to SAVING them all the time and bailing them out, rather than let them make mistakes and clean up their own messes.
God help us all. And she will not speak to me, nor receive my gifts nor allow her children to receive my gifts or love and the list goes on. Painful does not begin to describe. And everyone else was allowed to hold my grandchildren but me. What kind of person would do that?
Stifling it is the hardest thing to do and gradually somehow through all the emotions, asking forgiveness for obviously perceived hurts even some embellished or mixed up with what Parents have to do to guide a child, teen, young adult….. Yes, my daughter or other estranged children — now adults are alive, but it is excruciating to not be in their lives.
In addition, I have two sister in laws who did lose sons tragically drowning and a shooting — one at age 16 and one at age One was 32 years ago and the other 22 years ago. Because the death — eventually the pain is dulled after 20 years. But the one who is alive is a constant yoyo in and out of grief, hope, anger, short moments of joy, and then back to estrangement and the cycle starts all over again.
May God help us all and find compassion for people going through this…. And yes, it can be over in a flash — that is the difference between a living child or a child lost to death. It can be healed and a relationship managed and it would be wonderful, ……but……. What if it never happens. Never comparable to a real death, but something akin to it. Marty you mentioned walking on eggshells. There is a book by that exact name and it is a great read. Within 10 minutes this guy said the ex was borderline personality.
We could have written the book ourselves. I often thought my husband was exaggerating the emotional abuse he said she inflicted until I experienced it firsthand. We are fortunate that my step daughter reconnected with us and has a great boyfriend that is helping her to see her mother for what she is. Alienation comes in many forms and affects each one of us differently, yet the same. In wish we could find a cure for it. I think that whenever we lose someone we love deeply, that there will be grief.
But when someone you love passes away there comes a time when you might find closure. When you lose your beloved child due to parental alienation there is no closure. The hurt and loneliness just goes on and on. Never ending. That is what makes it so tough. My whole outlook on life has changed. I no longer see the world as a place of hope and love. I see it as a place where people do horrifying things to one another.
The world is not a safe place to me anymore. It feels like a war zone. For a lot of reasons, that question causes me a lot of anxiety and tends to make me avoid encounters where that question might be asked. The damage had been done and the ex kept going on and on with her sociopathic mantra and yes, a lot of it is sociopathic behavior — nothing logical about it..
It hurts as if they are dead even though they live within three miles of my house. God help us all and nothing is more comforting than hearing posts from those who understand. And it does make me wonder if you even have children to tell us to not grieve over the loss of our childrens, teens or young adults years. As for my living with the father of my 25 and 28 year old daughters. That is what gave me some rope and hope I might regain a relationship with my elder daughter. But that has not been the case and now I am contemplating leaving, as it is excruciating to make a beautiful home and family meal only to have a grown woman turn her back to me, not talk to me and stand between my grandchildren and myself, — physically.
I never harmed my children, nor would harm my grandchildren. Absolutely terrible. Nope, we try everything and that hope prevails, but it feels like a TRUCK ran over me every time she rejects me. She is now living in our apartment next door and utilizing my hard work and efforts to keep home and property in good order and still treats me like crap. These young adults do it because it is in a way a trend to bash parents, one or the other and find someone to blame.
Of course she is angry at herself for her own mistakes and now a single mother of two children — all of which could have perhaps been prevented had her father not kept bailing her out and paying her bills….. I came from a home whereby we had troubles of blended family and attended 10 different schools and had to be hyper responsible with a sick mother.
Our daughters had a healthy home with consistency, and I had good relationships with both of them until I separated temporarily 3 years only frrom their Dad. We have been together almost 40 years, so the other parent can make a huge difference wearing their heart on their sleeve and giving everything to children. Sad, ….. Alienated children become alienated adults. You have to grieve because it is very RARE that these alienated beings reconcile with the alienated parent.
Amy you are perfectly right there is no grave to visit. Luci: thank you for your comment. It is certainly true: helping professionals and parents are raising awareness. Thanks to the work of thousands of parents and the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, along with the work of Dr. Richard Warshak, Dr. Amy Baker, Dr. Kathleen Reay— just to name a few. As you said, many who are temporarily alienated certainly would not give up.
The article was prepared for those in which efforts span 15 to 30 years or more , but still have not re-connected with their adult children. Even then, most parents would keep the door open. Nevertheless, along the way, many endure grief, frustration, and anger. Letting go temporarily, that is, to take a break for self-care is vital. Giving up entirely is not an option or consideration in the hearts and minds of most parents. It is very selfish and appears to hurt everyone, including themselves.
To me this was the epitome of being hypocritical. Would it be wrong to give adult children literature, books etc on parent alienation? My husband has been a victim of this for years. His children with his first wife have been poisioned for 14 years. I want so badly to email them information on this syndrome, if nothing else but to plant a seed. Their mother has emotionally abused these kids for years and have been brainwashed into hating their father for no reason.
He is a wonderful man. Still can't believe it happened to me. Which I'm sure everyone says. Keep the faith and never give up. Joanne from NC 2 I just wanted to share that I am now 5 years cancer free from stage 1-C ovarian cancer!!! I feel so blessed! Please see my previous story - look for other entry from Joanne from NC. There IS hope!!
Click here for Part One. I know today, that decision plays a big part in my being here. The larger tumors over 2. Three years to almost the day I had my first recurrence I was rediagnosed with a tumor again on my Psoas muscle in my right hip in Nov During this time I have been involved in raising funds for OVCA through establishing a run, a motorcycle drive. My life has never been the same, but it has also never been so fulfilling. With my third diagnoses and almost 10 years behind me I began a blog of my journey at whencancerknocks. You know your body best Reading most of these stories made me feel like mine had already been written by every one else.
I went to the doctor on multiple occasions due to bloating and pain in my abdomen. I was told by 4 doctors that I had a hernia. Finally in July the pain was so bad I went back in because I could actually grasp something out of the ordinary, thru my stomach. It felt huge.
I saw him 4 days later and he knew right away it wasn't a hernia. A CT followed and the next day I was told I had peritoneal carcinoma I met my oncologist the next week and he told me he thought it was borderline CA. I just had surgery on the 4 and it was much more extensive than they thought.
I lost my ovaries I had had a partial hysterectomy last year , the rest of my cervix, my appendix, part of my large and small intestines and my omentum. I also had a colon resection and had to have my diaphragm scraped. Even my oncologist was shocked when the pathology came back it was sent out to Johns Hopkins as stage 3 micro papillary serous carcinoma.
I developed an infection in my liver so I'm home on IV antibiotics and will then start chemo after they confirm the infection is all gone. Why are doctors allow to blow us off without any type of tests when we go to them for help. Why can't a CA be part of a physical or at least done every few years? Why do women have to wait until they are 40 for a mammogram. Sorry, I digress but I'm still kind of angry that this is where I am. Anyway, that's my story and I'm praying it will have a happy ending and that we my family learn some lessons out of this. I pray that research moves quickly for women with this disease.
And I pray that women will listen to their bodies and pursue further testing if they feel something is wrong. I truly regret that I waited so long. Good luck and God bless all of you now fighting this and any of you that will be learning you have this disease in the future. I'm a flight attendant and a wilderness lover. I live in beautiful Alaska. Last week I felt pressure in my left abdomen and went to the doctor.
After many test and two surgeries I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This was shocking news as I am always healthy and active. My friends and family have surrounded me with their love and support. I have many highs and lows. I still feel like I'm dreaming and want to wake up. I'm home recovering from surgery, surrounded by love from my friends, family, and dog, Boo Boo. Chemo- next step. Trying to stay positive, the tears seem to flow a lot.
I feel for everyone dealing with cancer. I remembering waking up hearing the doctor talking to my family. I was awake enough to ask him questions and if i was ok. He told me my ovaries was fully covered with cancer. He then told me I had stage 3 ovarian cancer. I was so scared, I couldn't even speak. All I thought about was my 3 children. And how was i gonna be able to take care of them sick. I started chemo the next week. Then i stopped taking them. I am here today folks because I know God has a purpose for me to be here.
Its been 15 years. We serve an awesome God. Always go and be check yearly. She was sweet and never became upset with me, no matter what. She had always been there since I was born. Growing up, I just expected her to always be there. When my grandmother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, I didn't know much about this type of cancer. I thought she would beat it and everything would go back to normal. But it didn't. She was diagnosed in the 3rd stage. She took chemo and medications.
Before she was diagnosed, her belly began to get really big as if she were pregnant. When she started chemo, she lost a lot of weight. A few months passed and she became very ill and was hospitalized for two weeks. Finally, the doctors said she could go home or go to a hospice center.
She lived for six more days. On Sunday, June 14th at AM, my mother called because she took a turn for the worse. She was rushed to the hospital. We all knew this was the end. She lived for a few more hours in the hospital then passed away No matter how sick she had been, she remained positive and loving. I was her favorite grandchild and she loved me very very much. It has been a few years, but it still is hard to live without her. I felt lost in depression because of the fact that she was gone.
Why did this happen to her? She was the nicest person I knew. It especially hurt that she had died just two days before my 5th grade graduation. Lots of kids get to grow up into their 30's and still have their grandmothers, but mine was taken when I was I know that she no longer suffers. I just wish her cancer could have been cured. I hope that no other woman has to go through what she went through. I will always love and remember her.
I had all the syptoms just like other women have described. I keept going to my GP and was always told it was my irrital bowel that was the problem. Then one day I went back to my GP with a different complaint, my right breast was red and inflamed and within a week it had doubled in size. I was referred to the parapet clinic and got an appointment the following week. I didn't think much of it at first 'til i was told it was worrying, but i had to wait a week on results.
I hate to think if my breast didn't show the symptoms what would have happened to me. I had a pelvic mass, omental caking. My treatment was chemo and an operation that took 7 months. I was glad when I finished chemo, it was hard going in and out of the hospital. Now I have been in remmission for 10 months and now I have a scare as my CA has gone up from 12 to and i have some symptoms, constipation, blotted stomach and pain.
Joanne My name is Joanne. On 10th of April aged I was admitted to the emergency department of Epping hospital Melbourne, as I had a huge swollen abdomen. I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink I couldn't pass urine or go to the toilet. This had all started suddenly. I thought I had a kidney stone. I couldn't get a booking before Monday the 10th. By that time I was so swollen and in excruciating pain I could hardly walk.
When I got to the local country hospital I broke down and cried when handed a large bottle of drink to take before the CT scan. I had been losing weight for awhile and put it down to being busy with a sick husband. He has since passed away with Multiple Myeloma. Another hard to diagnose cancer. We were both healthy people. When the radiologist took the scan he had to stop suddenly as I was so ill. He then asked me if i would be willing to go to Epping Hospital.
I would have gone to the moon. I had 7. Few days later I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. I had three tumors; one over my left ovary, one near my navel and one near my appendix. When I saw the surgeon he looked me in the eye and said "There is no cure" He explained all about the chemo and his expectations but said I was in charge.
He repeated this again next time I saw Him. After four treatments of chemo I was booked in for an operation to remove the shrunken tumors. Four months had passed by this time and I was doing alright on the chemo. My tumor markers had gone down significantly. A couple of days after the operation the surgeon came in to talk with me. He said he had removed the shrunken tumors and taken out my appendix but when he got to the pelvis he discovered live cancer on my bowel.
It hadn't been picked up as my tumor markers had been dropping down. He was very disappointed and said he could have saved himself a few hours work if he'd known. He didn't want to remove my bowel as I would have had to have a bag and he was aiming for quality of life. I then had to start the chemo all over again. The whole process took from 10th of April to 27th November. I have been gaining strength and for the last few months I feel as if I'm getting on top of it.
I have also just had my three monthly clinic appointment this week and was informed by my oncologist that my tumor markers were down to seven. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share part of my story. I hope it helps others. You do have to take charge of your own life. I have learnt so much during this time. I knew my time was not over on this earth. I believe God has something for me to do. I look after a five acre property.
I pace myself and don't worry about the things that used to bother me. I try to stay healthy. I eat fruit and vegetables especially those recommended by the cancer council. I take my dog walking around the property and exercise. It is good to be alive and one thing I know. I will never be afraid of cancer again.
Ian's grandma My husband and I had a difficult relationship with our only child and his wife. When I was first diagnosed, he suddenly realized he loved me and was devastated, and his wife became affectionate and caring. I am now on relapse 3, but have enjoyed nearly 8 years of family happiness and closeness. Now they have a baby, 7 months, and I feel so lucky I am here to see him. He is a merry little boy. I don't know what the future will bring or how long it is but these past years of joy and love have been so wonderful. And my darling husband is an angel of caring.
Ovarian cancer has brought us all together. At 48, I knew I shouldn't be having incontinence. After my examination at the doctor's office, I asked him what he thought and he replied "well, I think it's a tumor and "cancer" hasn't left the building". He sent me for bloodwork and a pelvic ultrasound and told me he'd have the results back on Monday. It was, without a doubt, the longest weekend of my life. Ovarian cancer? I never knew anyone who'd had this type of cancer and after going online to check it out - I was scared to death!
After a complete hysterectomy and debulking, I woke up in my hospital room in the middle of the night and found that I was alone. I called my husband at the hotel and he came right over. The good news was that the GYN oncologist thought she had gotten all of the cancer, but it had spread from the pelvic area into my abdomen. When the GYN came to visit me, she said that I had a stubborn "type" of cancer cell - called "clear cell"; fortunately, a chemo treatment for "clear cell" was now available and my body responded very well to the treatment. I had pills for nausea and was never sick - just very tired and lost my hair, which for me was very difficult.
I found out the meaning of life and love while fighting for my life. My husband cared for me like a baby, cooking for me and forcing me to eat even when I didn't want to. He never missed a doctor's appointment or a round of chemo. He kept my spirits up, refusing to leave me alone if I was depressed. We live in a small rural part of Alaska. Friends and people that we barely knew cooked for us, opened up a bank account for donations and sent me get well cards, usually with money.
A lot of people knew that we didn't have health insurance. My parents live in Atlanta and there were prayer chains from Georgia to Alaska. In August '04, I had my last chemo. I do have anxiety that the cancer will return, but I do mostly manage to control that fear by only allowing it "front and center stage" for brief moments. After a few moments, I pray and push those thoughts out of my mind - choosing instead to concentrate on living instead of the fear of dying. There is residual fall-out from the hysterectomy, unfortunately.
As I have a "little weight on my bones", I developed an abdominal hernia which has required 2 surgeries. They were both necessary to repair the hernia and clear the bowel obstruction. After 2 surgeries, the hernia has returned and I have since learned that bowel obstructions quite often happen in conjunction with abdominal hernias. I have been hearing more and more about abdominal hernias as a result of hysterectomies. My surgeon has told me that I need to lose pounds and keep it off in order for the hernia repair to actually work.
So while I made it through ovarian cancer, I still have another big hurdle to overcome. Since my year bout with ovarian cancer, I have gone through it with 2 close friends and we are all three alive and well. This is the lesson that I have learned: Live. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Feel free to email me at: taxladysuz gmail. This has been so shocking and hard to understand. Her treatment so far was only removal of the tumor which was on the right ovary, removal of implant on right tube and removal of 2 implants on peritineal wall.
We are seeking opinions regarding removal of the right ovary and tube. I want to be aggressive to help prevent recurrance and protect her from invasive cancer, but the doctors of course want to save her fertility. But since she is only 16, being a mother is many years away! Does anyone have any insight for us? Pam Dahler Hi, my daughter Carly who is 24 has been diagnosed with serous borderline ovarian cancer stage 3 with invasive implants - very confusing as borderline tumours are not supposed to spread.
Is there anyone out there who has now or in the past had this very rare type of borderline tumour and more importantly how they have coped and what their treatment and prognosis is - thanks x Joanne I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in March of , just 4 days short of my 50th birthday. I went to the doctors in early March after experiencing back pain, bloating and getting a period after a year. I thought these symptoms were all part of menopause.
I was not all that shocked when I heard the word Cancer, but the stage upset me. I am now participating in a clinical trial. I just finished the first phase and starting the second phase. It involves IV and IP treatments. I am now on a 21 day cycle of avastin. I will finish up June My CT scans have been good. NED and CA has been below Life is good. I only have one piece of advice. Listen to your body. As for hitting the big I can't wait until 51!! They have said her ovaries and uterus are bulky but tumors have been found and her lymph nodes are slightly swollen in her back.
She finally say gyn and did a biopsy this week. Can anyone offer some insight is this something we should be worried about as we are. Thanks Cynthia Green 2 N. It's been more than 4 years since my fight with metastatic stage IV ovarian cancer. Just saw my ongologist 2 months ago and my CA was 5. Way back in it was I'm enjoying being with my friends and family, working, and doing the things that make me happy. I thank God for my friends and family, the oncology nurses and my gynecologic oncologist.
The special things I do to try and keep my health: I try and eat right at least half of the time. I try to eat all those foods they say prevent cancer. I work hard to keep my stress level down. I took a workshop at the local hospice on preparing for the end of life. Everyone thought that was so weird, but it calmed me down tremendously. I plan on living for a long time, but if this disease returns I want to fight when it's good to fight, and let go when it's time to let go.
Most importantly I keep my medical appointments, listen to the advise of my doctors and always let them know what I am doing and taking. My message to others: Enjoy each day as if it was your last. This life is a journey that eventually ends for all of us. Today, good things are all around. Keep up the good fight.
Click here for Part One Doris My symptoms were lack of appetite, loss of usual energy, difficulty breathing, very tender abdomen and what I thought was IBS. A nurse PA had done my yearly physical July and dismissed my suggestion of a colonoscopy because I had one two years previously. I received Taxol and Carboplatin every three weeks for six treatments, finishing on January 31, My CA went from to 6. In June of I was back feeling well and enjoying life.
In November of my Ca gradually started rising. As of May 28, it is For the most part I feel well. My PET scan of July 1, show an enlarged lymph node compatible with recurrent neoplastic disease. There is a ventral hernia containing a knuckle of small bowel but chest and abdomen is negative of additional neoplastic disease. I have read about Dicer and Doscha proteins and wonder if there is anyway to stimulate these to help fight disease.
Also I am wondering about detox diets ie, kale and other veggie smoothies. What about the cyberknife? I am concerned with quality of life and keeping costs down even though I have good insurance. If someone has input into my current situation I would be glad to entertain suggestions. Thanks for listening. Sum1 Watching Over Me I was one of the lucky ones. I went to my doctor and he ordered a CT scan. It showed a large mass on my left ovary and I was scheduled to see an oncologist.
Just that name scared me. The doctor explained what options I had depending on whether it was cancer and if it spread and at what stage it was. The biopsy showed that it was stage 1a. I had a total hysterectomy and didn't require any chemo treatments. My surgeon told me "Someone was watching over you". He said that he doesn't see too many patients at stage 1a, they're usually more advanced.
Also the tumor was attached to my back that's what was causing the back pain. Like many others, I was not aware someone as young as me could get ovarian cancer. I went to the Gynecologist for the first time in my life because I was having discomfort in my abdominal area, especially when my bladder was full, and I figured at my age it was time to get checked out in case I would find Mr. Right and decide to start a family someday. The doctor felt some masses in my pelvic region and sent me for a sonogram.
At the time he did not tell me he felt anything. I found out I had a problem from the technicians and then confirmed it with the doctor. I was scheduled for surgery a month later. They did not know it was ovarian cancer until they did the surgery. Radiology procedures have come a long way since then. I had 6 treatments of chemotherapy 3 different medicines every 21 days , a biopsy surgery which was negative and two more treatments of chemo. I'm now 48 years old, been married to my soul mate for the last 18 years, and happy to be alive.
For those of you like me who were young when you were diagnosed and may not be able to have children of your own because of it, just focus on the fact that you are still here and take one day at a time. Like me, you may find someone who is okay not having children or you can always adopt. I spend my time spoiling all my nieces and nephews. Even though it has been 26 years I still see the Oncologist and have the CA test and a pelvic and abdominal sonogram once a year.
My Mother Where to begin. Well last summer my mom just wasn't herself. She was quiet and subdued,and her energy wasn't the same. She has 3 grandchildren, 2 are mine and my brother has one; now ages 9 ,8 , and 4. She truly lives for them, she is a grandmother who gets down and plays with the kids all day. I had noticed that she seemed more tired. I thought, maybe she was just depressed. I even had asked her if she was happy,She just didn't seem herself.
Well in July She had thought that she had pulled a muscle,I said just go to the doctor. She didn't. She was never one to run to the doctor. My mom in the summer lives about 1 hour from me at a little lake house. Each week that I would go up there,she was looking more tired. I even had some friends comment that she didn't look herself. Finally her stomach started to blow up,it was also hard. She went to a md. Who ordered a Ct. She had gone to The Dr.
All weekend I had a bad feeling I just knew it wasn't going to be good. Well Monday August 17, came. Hours after her scan the Dr. Our world had just changed. I went home and did a ton of research. Before her surgery they also discovered,she had an undiagnosed thyroid condition. So surgery was put off. So she was started on chemo right away. Her first round of Chemo she ended up in the hospital with blood clots in both her lungs,she spent a week in the hospital,she had another round of chemo then on Oct 13th she had her surgery.
She had a fabulous surgeon. He cut her vertically about 12 to 16 inches long he removed her ovaries each had large tumors, her omentum her adrenal glad had a large tumor. In all she had 3 large tumors and 20 small ones He was very confident he got all visible signs of cancer. She contined with Chemo. I also got her to go to a MD. They said she is now in remission. Her and my Dad went to Florida for the winter and she had continued treatment down there. Both the Chemo and the Vitamin infusions and suppliments. It was very hard to watch my mom go through the suffering.
Plus she is the type of person who feels like she was a burden on us. She is such a caregiver,so it was hard for her to be the one in need. She was stage 3c when she was diagosed. Im trying not to worry about when it will come back. How soon? Will she have the strength to do it again? Will I have the strenth to support her? Its always in the back of my mind. I also wanted to say the vitamins and infusions definatly helped with her energy level. Im more into natural health than her. Trying to build up your immune system naturally. She worked full time in a sewing factory kept house for herself and our aging mother.
Took care of her grandson when he got home from school. She did lawn work, papered and painted her walls etc. Never drank or smoked. But she did have ovarian cysts and problems with her periods. She only got pregnant once even though she did nothing to prevent it. She complained about back pain which m. She state she had abdominal pain on both sides where her ovaries would be. Her Gyn said nothing was wrong. Her primary care told her she was getting older and to slow down and that maybe it was her nerves.
At 62 she was vomiting after most meals and her bowel habits were irregular. They told her that nothing was wrong and to relax. On she was in E. He diagnosed her as Ovarian Cancer stage Did her debulking and chemo treatments until she died at age Our beautiful, caring, loving sister, daughter, mom and nana was gone. Earlier diagnosis could have helped. Why wsn't it recognized??? She did lwn work, papered and painted her walls etc. She complined about back pain which m. Her primary care told her she was getting older and to slow and that maybe it was her nerves.
Marissa My name is Marissa, 47, married with a 15 year old daughter. It was a shock! Pap and mammogram were good along wth the usual tests.erp.ramlimited.com/tomorrow-never-comes.php
In June, we went home for good to our home country, the Philippines. I felt good,and I was slimmer. Then came Nov. I thought I was just having the "usual" loose bowels. I did not go to the doctor right away. Then one night, it was so painful, then I vomited. I decided to see a Gastroenterologist because I thought it was my stomach. He felt a mass in the lower left side of my abdomen. He sent for an ultrasound right away. It was an 8 cm. I have had my uterus removed in , negative of any cancer. It was my left ovary.
My oncologist advised that the mass be removed right away. I was scheduled for surgery two days after Nov. Pathology confirmed, it was a burst left ovary. My oncologist and surgeon removed my omentum, both ovaries and fallopian tubes. My CA was I pray that it stays that way forever I wish they make the ultrasound test a routine test just like Pap Smear. I could not help but think that maybe I would have known earlier that my ovay was not normal anymore and not go thru Chemo if I was in the Philippines.
I lived and worked as a teacher in the US for 8 years, had very good health insurance, but was never offered this test by my OBGYNE there, although he knew my history. Now I know Ovarian cancer can not be detected by just having Pap Smear. Let us all be vigilant about our health and pray for each other God bless us all Donna Last summer at Hopkins I had surgery to remove 2 ft of my right colon due to stage 1 colon cancer.
He told me that from the cat scan I have inflamed lymph nodes, Im scared. If theres anything there do I got back to the colon surgeon or a gyn surgeon? Scared Nurisse I woke up May 10, and went to pee like I do every morning. I had blood in my urine. I got so scared. My stomach had been the size of a pregnant woman in her 9th month all of April.
My doctor didn't know what was wrong. After tests to see if I was having internal bleeding, because I was taking blood thinners due to blood clots in my lungs and one in my right leg. I was going to get an ultra sound done later that morning on the 10th.
I looked in the mirror and I was white as a sheet. I am a light skinned black woman. I said a prayer. But I was so scared. I brushed my teeth, washed up, got dressed as quick as I could.
10 things not to say to a depressed person (and please don't ever say to me either) - nochnoch
Drove to my grandmother's house shaking all the way and praying. I made it there in about 8 minutes. She lives about 15 to 20 minutes away. Got up the stairs and rung the bell. As soon as she answered the door I told her to call emergency I had to got to the hospital,and that there was blood in my urine.
I sat nervous and waiting, trying to stay calm because I have panic attacks. The EMT team came took me to the hospital. I peed again and the urine was the color of cranberry juice. The nurse said I could have a urinary tract infection. I was just scared. I waited in the room with my mother, grandmother and aunt. The doctor came in got my history and told me they were going to do a ct scan. Another nurse appeared and told me to drink this fluid for the test.
I took the test. Then waited. The doctor came back in and told me I had ovarian cancer. I screamed. Cried my eyes out. They released me and I went home to my grandmother's. I couldn't sleep. I was so uncomfortable and scared. I went to my doctor the next afternoon. I was admitted to the hospital that evening.
I met my Oncologist. She told me I had Ovarian Cancer stage 4 and ascites. She also told me there was too much disease to do surgery. I had tests done. There were tumors in both ovaries, on my abdominal wall, one in my liver, on on my spine, and a bunch in my omentum. The next morning I got my stomach tapped. They took 6 liters of fluid off. I had to have a blood transfusion because my hemoglobin was at 7. I had chemo after that. Had an allergic to the chemo so they stopped it. The next morning I met with my doctor, she changed the chemo drugs and I had the chemo the next day.
I got my stomach tapped one more time. They took 6 liters that time also. I was released after being in the hospital for 10 days. When I got home my son put me on an alkaline diet. No meat, dairy or grains. Fruits and Vegetables only. I had my stomach tapped the week after I got home. They took 4 liters that time. And that was the last time I had to have it tapped.
I got chemo again 21 days after the first time. I was on a 21 day cycle. I found out my CA tumor marker was 16, When I had the test again a month later it was 13, I started taking alkaline supplements and an immune booster, so I wouldn't catch a cold or the flu. I was going crazy only eating fruits and veggies. I continued chemo but it was ravishing my body. They had to give me another blood transfusion and a platelet transfusion and an iron transfusion as well as shots to build my blood levels. My CA went down to after my 3rd cycle.
They finally reduced my chemo dose. I was put on a weekly cycle. My tumor marker continued to drop, 37, then to I had two weeks to go but the chemo was still to strong. I had my last treatment at the end of October. My levels were too low to continue. No cancer anywhere. I just went to the doctor yesterday February 10, My CA is I am in remission. I don't want the surgery. I will continue to take these alkaline supplements. I feel like they are the reason the cancer is too small to detected. My email is dva yahoo. She told me I had Ovarian Cancer stage 4 and Ascites.
There were tumors in both ovaries, on my abdominal wall, one in my liver, on on my spine, and a bunch in my Omentum. Please feel free to contact me if you want to know anything else about my story or about the supplements I took. Ira Hello to everyone, my name is Ira. I am 34 years old. I was really shocked, because my little daughter was 1.
The surgery was done immediately. Then 6 courses of chemo every 21 days. I have already had 4. My Ca got down to I never told anyone about my situation, just to my parents and husband. I would like to find some friends with similar situation just to speak to them sometimes. Maybe I can also help someone. Please write me on my email: winter75 rambler.
My mother has been battling cancer since Since the last post she has tried several diffrent types of chemo at the CTCA. They now know that she is resistant to all but two types of chemo. As well she has had to undergo surgery to have catheters placed in both her lungs to drain fluid, the cancer has spread to there causing pleural effusions. Currently she is undergoing treatments of Avastin which to my understanding is a clinical trial for ovarian cancer but was intended for lung cancer.
I truly hope this will be her cure. We can only put this into gods hands and wait for his will to be done.
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Sometimes I find myself wondering why anyone must suffer as much as she has, but in the end we have had longer with her than some people are afforded. I can only pray that each and everyone of you who have been touched by this or any type of cancer will find the cure. One day I hope that cancer is as treatable as your common cold.
With all the research and trials maybe we are well on our way to that being a reality. My prayers and well wishes are with you all. Hang in there! Every day of life is a new challenge. It's how we deal with it, is the challenge. In at age 60, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and it was found in a very late stage due to no symtoms. They call it the silent killer.
The challenge was first of all to get over the shock of being told I had cancer. I have never been sick in my life, never smoked, occasional drink and always ate right and took care of myself. They started me on chemo for 3 months before going in for surgery. At the end of that 3 months, my husband who was 62 at that time, has a massive heart attack and dies. Another challenge: shock again. I'm not a young woman, I was working but didn't expect my golden years would be alone and I still had that surgery lingering out there.
People around me were in more shock than I was so I was continually comforting them and trying to maintain some type of self control and yet go through my mourning period. I had my surgery with my 3 children by my side, and continued for 15 more months of chemo. Now I'm a working woman, never got sick from the chemo by the way and would go right back to work after my treatment, bald and a widow.
As if this wasn't enough challenges I had been through, I had another one. My youngest son dies This of all my challenges was the worst of all. I could deal with having chemo, being alone, being bald. But to lose your child is the hardest hit I could have ever imagined or taken. No one in my family is or probably ever will be. The moral of this story is I have been cancer free for 16 months now, have my hair back, still working and have wonderful children, family and friends surrounding me. I was a sympathic person before all this and now I am much more compassionate, emphathetic and caring for people around me.
Life doesn't stop with all these hurdles that hit us nor do I want it to stop. I have 9 grandchildren that need me, friends that need me and family that need me and I need them. I still have too much living to do.